So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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