Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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