this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
