I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I hope mine doesn't look like that
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I could fuck to npr.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
