That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
