Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
