ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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