whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
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