He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
