Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
