Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
