Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Randomize
