Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Randomize
