Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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