I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
