I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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