Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
