Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
