I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
