So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
