My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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