Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
