is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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