just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize