okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize
