she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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