remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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