Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
