I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
