Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
