It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
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