Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
