I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
