Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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