Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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