Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
i just made my gag reflex go away.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
