I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
