holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
So much Jack, so little girl.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
