woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
