Pappa wants mamma naked
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
