my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
