I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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