When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
