she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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