bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
