currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
