I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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