This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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