we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
