i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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