Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Randomize
