Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
