ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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