True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
my shit smells like andre
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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