I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
