well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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