I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
