I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
