literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
