If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Do you have feelings for this penis?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
