I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
