mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
