You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
